A is B and B is A. A is also A, as B is A also.

What are you afraid of?? God? Your idea of shame? Love? Standing still? Disagreeing? I think these are tricks they play on us. They want us to be afraid of something. We have to work hard all our lives to not be afraid of things, or overcome fears. its kind of stupid and a waste of time.

Why do I think the way I think? I was taught that i shouldn't think this way, or that way, because it was morally unclean, rude, etc etc. Don't do this when they are watching. Do we even have a natual self? I've forgotten, and I'm not so sure what my natual self is. Id like to beleive that your natual self is how you were at age 6. You can tell the world of a person from when they are 6.

Imagine if we grew up naturaly, in the sense that thoughts will exist natually without disruption from societal, parental, peer pressures, etc etc. What would happen/ Would people still be afraid to think and limit themselves? Maybe not, or maybe so.

I'll never knew.

Somedays I feel like my grip on reality is slipping, and i'm not so sure what is possible and impossible. It seems like everything is possible cuz of countless of examples. It all comes down to will and audacity. But because of this, I'm running around in circles.

I was listening to some Beijing rock at 2 in the morning comming through NPR, and I suddenly felt like music and art was so pointless in comparison to the big picture. Everything now a days seems so important and unimportant at the same time. I just don't know anymore. Economically developing countries always produce great music and art, things that are NEW. Here, we are somewhat stale, comfortable, lazy.

"A is the greatest band I know, cuz B sucks. " But then there's C, D, E, F, G bands developing all over the world that is probably just as good as A, better or worse than B. So in the end, who cares? They all exist and they all provoke the same bubble and pockets of energy that one might feel with band A. They are all great, to different people. as someone is always great to some one.. and someone will appreciate someone else, regardless of who they are.

It's so worthless. What really matters when nothing matters? Or what really matters when EVERYTHING matters?! WTF, see, my mind is jumbled and I hate thinking this way, cuz now it's just running around in circles.

Zen is also the best and worst place to be.

or maybe not.

I ran into some ghetto kids next to my building, and I walked by them while they made fun of the Chinese language. It is infuriating because there's no comprehensable undersatnding between them and I. There's a gap of communication there. The lack of understanding. In Brazil some time ago, they sent army troops into the ghettos and swipped out all the crack families to "rid the problem". Obviously, there's a human rights issue here. How can anyone help in this world of confusion? Help them, help waste time, or help yourself.. Help someone who won't help themselves, or help myself. I feel like being in America for too long will make you feel this way. Help yourself, and then help everyone else, but by the time you've help yourself, you've changed.

Will comes from money. without money, there's no will. without will theres no money. Theres not much to like about humans, and no matter how many languages we know, we are still living in a town of babble. if social classes were eliminated, and everyone had the same IQ, maybe we'd be closer to where we want to be. The worst way to be is to think the world is fair in some way, cuz it just runs on relations.